Should We Have Another Child

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Taking Care of You:
Should We Have Another Child?

Shannon, mom to Leo, 13, We had Leo when I was 19, I never thought too much about having others kids till a couple of yrs ago, we decided to have another baby 10 yrs after Leo. I would always think how will I do it if Leo is sick and has to be in the hospital, how will I go to the store all the things like that you always think about. Then we found out when I was pregnant with my second that he had anencephaly, that was so hard. and now I think a lot about having other kids but it is just so hard to decide.

April, mom to Chris, (September 23, 1988-February 1, 2003) Being only 16 when Chris was born, I wasn't going to have another for a long time. But, I always did. Until Chris was 5, when I decided not to have any more. I decided he needed 100% of me and I just figured he was too much work to add another little one. I gave up my entire life to meet Chris' needs 100%. I even gave up relationships with men for 5 years. Chris needed me and I gave to him all of me. It was something Chris needed and I have no regrets.(I wish I would have let my current boyfriend in my life sooner. He could have known Chris a lot longer.) Another child for me, would have been difficult. Some people can do it. I just feel I couldn't. I'm 32 now. If I wanted another I could. But, fear I think, keeps me away from that. Adopting or fostering sick and dying babies later on down the road is a choice I ponder daily.

I was told I ran an additional 2% risk of having another disabled child. I was so young when I was told that many moons ago. I was told subsequent pregnancies would be high risk. But, that doesn't worry me at all. It is the whole "normal" thing that scares me.

Hollie, mom to Matthew (June 14, 1999-April 9, 2004) Well after having Matthew I always said I would not have any more kids. But now I've got a great fiancé and he wants another. I have thought about it and yes I will have another but not soon I told him I need a year or more to get over losing my Matthew Lee before I could. I'm really scared about the hydran happen again but I know it wont its just gonna always be in my head and a few years back I had cancer of the cervix and they took out most of my cervix so when the time comes to have another it will have to be planed. Like my fiancé said its not to replace Matthew just to give him a brother or sister. I almost feel sorry for the next kid I have because I'm gonna be so overly protective and some what lost at the same time lol cause after Matthew I wont take chances. But one thing will be very odd to me when we do have another is that they will grow and start to not need me as much as they get older, and with Matthew the older he got the more he needed me. And I wouldn't have given that up for the world. I'll just have to learn normal kids again since my thought of normal is far from it to me Matthew and hydran is normal. Or they’re just perfect :)

Lisa, mom to Noah, 2 ½, For us having another child wasn't really questioned - we just questioned the timing of it. Our oldest child Jalen of course doesn't have hydran, so when Noah was born it was a big shock. We did lots of testing and genetic counseling and were told that what happened with Noah was just a freak thing and it won't happen again.

Of course that makes you feel better but it never stops you being worried the whole pregnancy that something may happen - especially since our pregnancy with Noah was 'perfect' and I am quite a healthy person.

We always wanted 3-4 kids, so having another child after Noah was just a matter of timing - when we thought we could handle another one because of Noah's high needs. His first year of life was very hard and he was in and out of hospital, but he is a lot healthier now so we felt that it was the right time to get pregnant as Noah is almost 3 and Jalen is almost 5 and we didn't want to have huge gaps between our kids.

With Noah getting sick last week and being really unsettled lately we do wonder some days how we will cope with having a baby plus all of Noah’s needs plus Jalen, but we feel right about our decision and hope that we can give all our children the attention they need and deserve - especially Noah.

I do find myself going through feelings of guilt at times about being pregnant again - mainly about being happy about being pregnant and imagining the baby and all the milestones they will reach and how exciting that will be. Sometimes I feel bad about being happy about that because Noah wont ever be able to do the things that our new baby will, but I know that I shouldn’t feel that way - that Noah will be just as happy to have a new brother or sister, but it is hard, and I think it may be hard at times to see a 2 month old baby do more than Noah does, but we will deal with that as it comes.

Diana, Grandmother to Kirsten, 18 months, I can't address "having" another child; but I can describe the advice the doctors have given Adrienne - Which is: Of course have other children. They consistently indicate that hydran is NOT genetic and has no bearing on whether she will have another hydran child. They do caution however; that once a woman has a baby with a severe birth defect the likelihood of another defect does increase. Therefore, they’re commend genetic counseling and treating each subsequent pregnancy as "high risk".

Other pages in this section:
Taking Care of You:
Reactions to Having a Child with a Disability
Families and Friends
Managing Stress
Reactions of Others
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August 16, 2001- January 12, 2005

This website is funded in loving memory of Jason S. by his mother Kammy

The information on this site is provided by families, caregivers, and professionals who are or have been caring for a child with Hydranencephaly.

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