What If part 2: Funerals, Eulogies

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What If? Part 2: Funerals
Eulogies

A number of families have graciously shared their child’s eulogy with us. They are presented here as a special tribute to our children.

Matthew Lee June 14, 1999-April 9, 2004
There are no words that can paint the picture of Matthew Lee’s life. He was a special kind of boy that touched the lives of many. He left an impact on everyone he met with his spirited nature. For those of us who were fortunate enough to know him, he stole our hearts and put a smile on our face everyday. In the four and a half years he was here with us, he had proven all of the doctors wrong. He amazed everyone despite all of his many disabilities and set backs... he lived a happy life.

Providing Matthew with love everyday was his proud Mom and Dad, Hollie and Rich. Matthew would anticipate his Dad coming home from work just so they could play together. And he spent countless hours cuddling with his Mom watching their favorite movies. Also, Matthews Grandma and Grandpa, Lois and Bob, although there was distance between them, would call or visit whenever they could get the chance. And precious little Matthew would get so excited just to hear their voices on the phone when they weren’t able to stop by. They all devoted themselves to him unconditionally.

Besides spending time with those he loved most he also immensely enjoyed going places, especially to school to play with his teachers and friends. He loved listening to music and singing along to it, and he would sing his Mom to sleep almost every night.

People would see Matthew and his family and say he was lucky to have them, but the truth is... we were the ones blessed to have him. We will miss his smile, his twinkle in his eye and his charming personality. We’ll miss him greatly and have no doubt that he left us knowing how much he was appreciated, cherished, and greatly loved... by all.

Before you all leave today the family of Matthew Lee would like to express to you their deepest gratitude for all of you joining us today to remember and keep in your hearts forever this treasured boy. Don’t depart in sadness but with peaceful mind that Matthew is in a better place now. He is running, jumping and playing amongst other loved ones. He’s laughing and swinging from his own personal jungle gym and doing all the things he was not able to do here with us. And I’m sure that he is looking down now and telling us all to be strong and hold dear to you the good times, that he is okay and that he is just as happy there and he was everyday he was here. Thank you

Poem
An Angel Is Born
Author unknown

On the night that you were sick
The angels came to pray
When something started going wrong
One of them did say

"We must go get the Father
And tell Him about this.
Things are not going well.
Something is amiss."

When the Lord came and saw
All the angels crying,
He looked down from the sky above
And saw a child was dying.

An angel said, "Let's bring him Home."
The Lord said, "He will stay,
Because he has much to do
Before he comes our way."

"Besides," the Lord said and sighed,
"The parents want a son."
The angel whispered to the Lord,
"But this is not the one."

"He's not the one they longed for,
This much I know is true.
But this child will teach them much.
In time they'll see it too."

"But Father," said the angel now,
"I don't see how he can.
"This child will never walk or talk.
I do not understand."

"Watch and you shall see,"
To the angel he did say
"Though this child will speak no words
He will have much to say."

"Their parent hearts will hear his voice
And the wisdom he will share
Will teach them things about themselves
That even they were not aware."

"Though there are many peaks and valleys
On their journey just ahead
They will not despair
They'll draw their strength from him instead.

"Because of all they'll learn from him
They'll help to bridge the distance
Between the world of special needs
And try to make a difference."

The angel thought on this awhile
Then said, "This child means much.
Like the pebble in the pond,
Many lives this child will touch."

"The world needs special children,
These parents needs this son."
The angel smiled and said,
"You are right, he is the one."

The angel held him upwards,
As that night arrived,
The Father reached down and touched the child,
And the son survived

Katie Meyer December 20, 1985-March 20, 2004
One day a tiny baby came into the world with only a brainstem. The bio-ethics committee met at the hospital and decided that since children like her never survive the first few days of life that it was in her best interest to just, not treat. She was then placed in a separate room outside of the nursery receiving no food, water or medical intervention. On her second day of life her birth
mother requested to see her. She was moved by the baby's cries of hunger and so changed their decision to at least give food and water.

At 21 months of age her birth family placed her with us for adoption. This begins her life as Katie Meyer. She came to us with a warning.... she only had a few weeks to live...would we give her a family to die in? She came malnourished and was being fed by an eyedropper. She could not coordinate her swallowing and breathing, so we had a feeding tube placed. Katie thrived!! In the beginning, our only life goal for Katie was to see her smile so we would know that she was happy. That was our ONLY request of God. Within a short time we were rewarded not with a smile but with a hearty laugh! This child with only a brainstem was showing us that she was capable of showing emotions. Over the years she entertained us with her giggles sometimes set off just by her siblings yelling "ouch" other times we had no idea what she was laughing at but her laughs were contagious and there was no way anybody could escape from laughing with her.

Anybody who ever met Katie always commented on one thing...Her Eyes. They were big and beautiful. In the early years we thought what a waste that God should give such piercing eyes to a blind child, But God has His mysterious ways---through those eyes Katie had her way of communicating with others. She never had to speak. Through her eyes she communicated, love, fear, hunger, pain and happiness. In the early years after we adopted her I had a dream that seems appropriate to share today. I dreamed that I was alone with Katie sitting in our Virginia Beach Church just staring at her. Our Pastor and good friend of the family approached and asked 'what’s wrong? " I replied, "Nothing is wrong. Look at her. " He did but replied, "She is a pretty girl." No, I said...Look at her eyes." He did and replied, "I know, she is blind." " No, I said,
...look deeper." Still nothing, he did not see what I saw. I had to tell him, " Kevin, you can get no closer to God then when we look into the eyes of these "special children" This dream has given me much to ponder over the years.

GOD'S SPECIAL CHILDREN.
I thought that when we were asked about a eulogy for Katie that we would have nothing to say. She was a child that never moved a limb; never spoke a word, certainly never contributed to society as others have done. But...I wonder....Did she? What was her contribution? Can such a child contribute something to society? Only God can judge her contribution. There were a few days after Katie's death that I was mad at God. Knowing that her death was near I was relieved that she had gone into a coma. Somewhere in my head I had planted the thought that in a coma her death would come easy. It did not. The last few hours were rough. Not what I expected from God at all. Then one night on TV they were reviewing scenes on the movie The Passion. A small still voice suddenly permeated my thoughts....." See ...even MY child suffered in the end...why not yours? " God was rebuking me for my complaints. It was time to accept and move on.

Katie never spoke a single word but as her mom I know she would want me to share what her heart spoke to mine.

Thank you God, for giving me 18 years of life. 18 was old age for me.

Thank you, Mom and Dad for being "My Voice."

Thank you, my brothers and sisters for sharing your mom and dad. I know over the years you gave up much in your social lives. Especially during the times I was hospitalized. The night before I died I gave two of you a special gift...hold it forever in your hearts. What you saw was the true me.

Thank you, Hospice of the Comforter, who cared for me in the very end. KRISTA---only you would know that the nasal cannula needed to be replaced with an oxygen mask. A simple plan that didn't need a Drs. orders. That’s why I shared my very last " special smile" with you.

No, I was nobody special but I was a part of the Meyer Family and that made me feel special.

A few days after Katie died I received a note from the mother of a child with the same diagnosis as Katie. She was acknowledging Katie's death but more than that, she was grateful to hear that Katie lived until 18 years of age. It gave her hope for her own child. And so......Katie touched in her death.....one more life.

Robbie Macklin: November 18, 1985-October 27, 2003
Our Beloved Son

People used to say to us “what a difficult life Robbie has” or “Robbie suffers so much”. Some even went so far as to question Robbie’s quality of life. It’s true, Robbie had many physical difficulties. Most of us would collapse under the weight of his most basic challenges, were they our own. But Robbie was so much more than his fragile body conveyed.

Consider this: Robbie never knew a different life. Robbie never knew hatred, avarice or envy. Robbie never felt jealousy, anger or cruelty. Robbie just loved, completely and unconditionally. Spiritually, we cannot picture a more idyllic life than that Robbie lived. Can you imagine a more perfect and pure soul? In this life, Robbie was considered handicapped. In truth, Robbie was more than we could ever hope to be.

Robbie accepted his challenges in the same way he accepted everything: with endless patience, remarkable strength, tremendous courage and with an indominatable spirit. He constantly exceeded expectations, because for Robbie, it was a way of life. His smile was like the sun coming out from behind a cloud, warming all that it touches. His chuckling laughter was infectious, no-one could hear it and not join in. Robbie could not walk, could not talk and could not control his muscles. All he could do was love. And through that, Robbie conveyed more joy,contentment and hope than anything we could have imagined possible.

Do not despair for Robbie and his challenging life. We believe that Robbie chose to come to us exactly as he was. He came to teach each of us different lessons. Please do not let his legacy end. Learn from him, strive to be like him. Love yourselves and each other with every part of your being, unconditionally and everlasting. Thank you Robbie, for all you have taught us. Thank you for dispelling prejudices, opening hearts and minds, and cleansing souls. Our lives changed
forever and for the better when you came to us. We will never forget your lessons, we will try our best to be worthy of your love and sacrifice. We will miss you and love you forever. We will never say goodbye to you, for you are always with us. Until we meet again son.....

Kayda Marie Foster: December 2, 1988-June 23, 2000

Kayda was a child that at first wasn’t really wanted and when she was born and it was found that she had no brain there really seemed to be no hope for this child. No chance for her to benefit anyone, Well!!!!!!! Kayda is a very special gift from God. Because of Kayda many people no longer fear children with severe “challenges”. Because of Kayda many families have learned that there is no such thing as “no hope” for children with disabilities. Because of Kayda many families now know that Doctors aren’t always or even often right when they make predictions about a child’s future. Because of Kayda nearly 100 families of children with her condition now know that they aren’t alone. Because of Kayda I returned from a many years long journey away from God. Because of Kayda many children have learned how to listen to and value someone who has no words. Because of Kayda a whole school has learned to care for one another.

This little girl never said a word. She never took a step. But, what an impact she has made on so many lives. That smile of hers could light up a whole city. I know many people who went on with a lighter step after being rewarded with one of Kayda’s smiles. Kayda could do very little compared with other children, but everything she learned to do she did with enthusiasm and delight. And all around her shared in that delight. At school when she started to do something new all who knew her exulted with her. This little girl never, even consciously or unconsciously hurt anyone. She never did anything wrong. Can any of us make that claim? So, although many looked at Kayda and saw a child they thought was lacking in many ways, many more saw a beautiful girl who was a special child of God.

Hello, Goodbye
By Michael W. Smith (edited by Barb)

“Where’s the navigator of your destiny?
Who is the dealer of this hand?
Who can explain?
Life and it’s brevity?
‘Cause there is nothing here that I can understand.
You and I have barely met
And, I just don’t want to let go of you yet.

Kayda, hello, goodbye
I’ll see you on the other side.
Kayda sweet child of mine
I’ll see you on the other side.

And so I’ll hold your tiny hand in mine
For the hardest thing I’ve ever had to face
Heaven calls for you before it calls for me.
When you get there, save me a place
A place where I can share your smile
And I can hold you for more than just awhile.

Kayda, hello, goodbye
I’ll see you on the other side.
Kayda, sweet child of mine
I’ll see you on the other side.”

Tyson Sheppard: August 2, 2002-March 27, 2003
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

On earth or in heaven above,
I can still feel the warmth of his love.
For one reason or another,
I was chosen to be this special little boy's mother.
In the beginning I did not understand what was meant to be,
What had I done wrong, making God want to punish me?
Through time came the patience, strength, and acceptance
God had given me anyone else the chance.
To learn how to love with just the heart.
He taught me to believe there isn't any limitations to the things I can do.
To listen and follow my heart, then it would be true.
Tyson taught me to stand up even higher for what I believe in,
Each battle for him, I would face head on and win.
Most of all he taught me that love is the purest of joys,
It doesn't come from money, fancy cars, or those expensive toys.
Live each day like it might be your last,
Don't try to keep up with others and live life to fast.
Take time for the people who matter and tell them I love you
Without there strength it would be hard to make it through.
I loved my sweet baby boy with everything I had,
I will always remember the good times, and how we made the best out of the bad.
As little Tyson started to slip away,
I gave thanks to God for him and each beautiful day.
He deeply touched the people in his life who played a part
What he lacked in size he made up for with his heart.
To have Tyson in my life I feel truly blessed.
When God sent me another angel he sent one of the best.
I heard just before one passes everyone in Heaven sings,
I truly believe this, for my son had a smile on his face when got his wings.

I love you Tyson, your momma Rehan

“Minnie” mom to Rebekah (August 8, 2003-December 3, 2003)

Although Rebekah could not see or hear she knew who was holding her. She touched a special place in the hearts of all she met. Rebekah died December 4 2003. At almost 4 months she touched the lives of many people. And changed our lives for the better. Many people told me that they felt closer to God when they were with Rebekah and that they wanted to make changes for the better in their lives.

Life must go on, even when heartache and sorrow seem to overcome all our thoughts. I pondered the life of our Savior. My perspective changed over the weeks that lead to Christmas. My focus seemed to be not on Jesus, but his mother. And the intense pain and sorrow that she experienced.

I am sure that when the angel first appeared to Mary to tell her she had found favor in the sight of God, she had a lot of thoughts going through her head. She knew of the prophecies. She must have known that pain and sorrow lay ahead, that she would be mocked by those who didn't understand the "bigger picture" and that his life would be shortened. She may have wondered if she had the strength to do all that would be required of her.

I know I felt overwhelmed many times when doctors told us about the many difficulties that lay ahead for our little girl. She would have a lot of obstacles to overcome. I wondered if Mary felt it as difficult to watch her son suffer as I did watching my daughter. I wondered if Mary had people come to her and question , as they did us, her decision to trust in the Lord

Many thought we must not know what we were getting ourselves into. It is true that we had a very limited understanding of what lay ahead for us, but I would not trade our experience with Rebekah for anything.   I am sure Mary would have felt the same way.

I admire Mary's ability to say, "Behold the handmaid of the Lord." What faith she must have had. I am sure she felt honored to be chosen for such an amazing event, but she must have also known that the path was not going to be easy.

I know the dread and heartache of looking into a small baby's eyes and knowing that my selfish desires for what I thought the future should hold were not the same plans Heavenly Father had. Many times I looked down into Rebekah's eyes and knew that our time with her would never be enough no matter how long it was.

I am sure Mary had a strong testimony of what our Savior had come to earth to do. I am sure that when she looked down into his eyes, she felt the same love we all have for our children. She wanted all the best for him, and still she knew that it would not be so.

Christ was more then a savior for the world. He was Mary's baby, her little boy. Mary was a mother. She cuddled and rocked Jesus to sleep. She must have told him bedtime stories and sung loving lullabies, even kissed his "owies" to make them stop hurting.

I know what it is like to have arms that ache to hold just one more time; eyes that long to see that special smile; ears that strain to hear what can no longer be heard. Oh, to give just one more kiss, or even just hear the noises made during a peaceful sleep one last time.

Mary may have had the knowledge that Jesus' purpose in life was far more then any other; that his life, death and resurrection would bring salvation to all mankind. Still, she had to live in the moment. She needed to face the everyday things. She had to endure the real pain of a physical separation from her son.

It must have been immensely difficult to witness the cruel things that others said and did to her son. I am forever thankful that Mary found the strength to do all that was required of her, that she faced each day and did her best to look forward to the next.

Because of the great sacrifice that Mary made I can benefit from the life, death and resurrection of her son, my Savior.

Other pages in this section:
What if?
What if: part 1: Your child's last days
What if: part 1: Your child's last days links
What if: part 2: Funerals
What if: part 2: Funeral links
What if? Part 3: Grief and Loss Resources
What if? Part 3: Grief and Loss Resources Links
What if? Part 3: Grief and Loss Resources: I'm not a mother anymore.

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August 16, 2001- January 12, 2005

This website is funded in loving memory of Jason S. by his mother Kammy

The information on this site is provided by families, caregivers, and professionals who are or have been caring for a child with Hydranencephaly.

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